Dear Reader,

 

Thanks for considering Letters From The Ungrateful Dead: A Grieving Mom’s Surprising Correspondence With Her Deceased Adult Daughter, for your book club. 

 

Here’s the story of the book:

 

Three years ago my adult daughter Hilee died of an overdose of meth and fentanyl. For months after Hilee’s death, I was trapped in unbending sorrow, numbness, and disbelief. Then a grief therapist advised me to write letters to Hilee. And to have Hilee write back to me.

 

Initially, the concept of writing to my deceased child seemed impossible. Still, the idea was a small light in my dark, bleak heart. One morning, I awoke early and I wrote to her. I spilled my sorrow onto the page. When I was out of words, I closed my eyes, took a breath, and listened.

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Miraculously, I “heard” my daughter's voice and I wrote down everything she said. So many of the things I missed about her—her snarky sense of humor, her brilliance, her self-absorption (Yes, I missed that!) her love of the bizarre, her bouts of honesty—were in her letter. What a relief: I instantly felt connected with her. 

 

I have compiled our communication in Letters from the Ungrateful Dead: A Grieving Mom’s Surprising Correspondence with her Deceased Adult Daughter.

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The book covers many ideas and topics that will inspire deep and memorable conversations. Despite the somber subject, the letters are laced with humor. We write about grief, spirituality, addiction, mental health, our mother-daughter relationship, various family dynamics, along with show tunes, ex-husbands and boyfriends, and Diet Coke and chocolate. We discuss things we could rarely talk about when Hilee was alive and arrive at a new place of forgiveness and understanding. 

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This post-death correspondence with my daughter has made a huge difference in my grieving process. And in my acceptance of myself and Hilee. But the book is not just for those who have lost a loved one or who are grieving. One of my early readers told me, “I feel like I have a deeper understanding of my own daughter from reading about you and Hilee.”  Another reader wrote, “By authentically writing about your struggles as a mother, you helped me acknowledge my own trials as a parent. I’ve come to a deeper level of self-forgiveness.”

 

If the timing works, I’d be delighted to attend your discussion group either in person or via zoom.  As well, I have provided some potential book club discussion questions, below.

 

Yours,

 

Deborah